I like to bike. Just like the many bicyclists who are on the roads this summer–and the many who will continue to appear as the weather gets better. I would just like to say a few words to those bicyclists.

Um, hi. Remember those things called sidewalks? They are FOR YOU. Not the road where cars (like mine) are going 40+mph. No, no, no, no, no. The sidewalk is a safe place for you, where you can safely not be hit, and instead avoid the dog-walkers and people walking.

I’m sure it might be thrilling to know that you can get hit by a car as you bike on the roadway, but let me just clarify: as a driver, it is not thrilling to know I could hit a bicyclist. Instead I feel relieved when I park the car and haven’t killed anybody.

So to back my argument up I looked into some bike-fatality statistics. The Bicycle Almanac says that if you compare bicycle-deaths to automobile-deaths, you are “either 3.4x or 11.5x as likely to die as motorists, per passenger mile.” Woah. That makes me nervous about biking down the street.

I also attempted to look up the fatalities of bicycles hitting pedestrians. That number does not really exist. I found it on one website which suggests that it ranges from 0-3. Wow. Doesn’t that sound a LOT better?

Do you really want to make life more stressful? This is what I truly don’t understand. When these bikers drive their cars (that they surely must have) don’t they get angry with the bicyclists as well? This would lead me to think that if you almost hit a biker, then surely you would be nervous and aware of yourself when they are biking to make sure you do not get in a position like this. And the solution to that is to not bike on a busy street.

And hey, remember that there are some places that have a BIKE PATH for you. You know what I’m talking about, those lovely mini-roads that are so much nicer than sidewalks, as well as being expensive to build? Yeah, it is extremely unappreciative when instead of riding over there, you and your five bicycle buddies take up half the road. Which by the way, most towns have a law that bicyclists can’t be more than three abreast. FYI. So now I’m stuck wasting my $4.30 gallon of gas to go 10 mph behind you because it is rush hour and I can’t pass you, much to the grievance of the other cars behind me. Maybe I should start using the bike path for my SUV anyways. That’s almost like off-roading, right?

3 comments on “Bicyclists

  1. AJ says:

    I know you’re being grumpy, but…at least in Chicago they’re required to ride on the street. They can ticketed if they ride on the sidewalks.

    Love you!

  2. AJ says:

    *be ticketed

  3. Caroline says:

    Next time I see one on Everett not using our beautiful bike path I’m clotheslining him with a broomstick.

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